The Moultrie Tale
By: Erin Jordan
Some text provided by: Michael Wayne Jordan
Michael Wayne, Erin, Winter & Patrick at CampsiteIf you have never driven to Moultrie, Georgia in a 1985 model Cadillac playing Nintendo 64 on a five-inch television screen that is suspended in air by two bungee cords, then you have not lived. As absurd as it sounds, the above statement is very true. It all happened one weekend in February 2001, when a few of my friends and I decided to take a road trip to an automotive swap meet in Moultrie, Georgia.
On Friday, February 2, 2001 at 11:30 A.M., Winter Hicks, Bailey McKay, and I checked out of Clay County High School to meet up with Patrick Sobers and my brother Michael Wayne Jordan to begin our long trek to the world renown swap meet in a lonesome little city in southern Georgia called Moultrie. After a short delay due to transmission difficulties in the "Caddy", Michael Wayne, Patrick, and I departed our house and made our way over to Winter's house. While Winter and I carefully crammed over two hundred pounds of luggage into the Cadillac's trunk, the guys were busy adding the finishing touches to the vast array of electronic gadgetry. These gadgets included a DVD player, a Nintendo 64 with four controllers, a five-inch color television, three cellular phones, a laptop computer, three walkie-talkies, an inverter to supply household current, and several hundred yards of wire. After everyone was set, we piled into our own Circuit City on wheels, and made our way down the lonesome highway to Georgia.
After making our way through two movies, we found ourselves longing for nourishment. Soon, the question arose concerning where to eat. The feminine corner of the car quickly made the request for waitresses, while the virile corner would have been satisfied with a fast food drive-through. As usual, the ladies won, but the only feasible option left was Denny's. Upon entering the restaurant, we were directed to our table by a waitress with rather strange hair. During the process of distributing our drinks, she accidentally dropped an extra glass of tea, which emptied its contents onto Bailey before shattering on the floor. This turn of events prompted Bailey to glare at the girls and say, "You wanted waitresses; you've got waitresses."
We arrived in Moultrie at approximately 10:00 P.M. Central time. After driving to the campsite and meeting up with my father, Winter and I found that we were in great need of the facilities. Seeing that there was not a bathroom within a five-mile radius, the five of us piled back into the Cadillac and made our way over to the local Wal-mart Super center. There, we used the bathroom, and finally made our few purchases after being delayed almost an hour by some foreigners in line in front of us who were somewhat befuddled over the price of a few peppers. After the Wal-mart delay, we go back to the campsite to survey our weekend home. After much confusion about where to sleep, Winter and I crawl into the upper bunk of our house on wheels, while Michael Wayne takes over the bottom bunk. Patrick and Bailey were voted out of the camper. While Bailey continued to play Nintendo in the "Caddy" and begin to go to bed, Patrick decides that although riding in the Cadillac might be fun, sleeping in it was a different story. He proceeds to drag his supposed "two-man" tent out of the trunk and put it up in the dark, by himself. This act in itself seemed to be rather amusing to Winter and I as we watched from the warm camper.
We awakened in the morning to the sounds of a campsite. Actually, I awakened to the sound of a woman in the adjoining campsite talking rather loudly on the phone, and what seemed like a small, rabid dog attacking several tiny rodents. The orange Dooley seemed a bit out of place amongst the rather costly, new R.V.'s that surrounded it. Upon waking up, we gathered our belongings and piled back into the Cadillac and headed over to Tommy Hicks' motel room to shower. After we each had showered, we made our way over to the car show where we were entertained greatly by the immense array of automotive machinery on display. At the swap meet, a vendor selling a large variety of patches tickles the fancy of young Mr. Bailey McKay. Since he has been searching for patches to go on his newly acquired "Huddle House Fan Club" jacket, he purchased several of them varying from "Spock lives" to "Volkswagen". This prompted Michael Wayne and I to buy our own patches for our similar denim jackets. Also at the swap meet, we entertained ourselves by using Bailey's digital camera to make several amusing pictures.
That night, we joined Winter's father at the local Western Sizzlin' to eat supper. Afterwards, we went over to his motel room to engage in some friendly chatter. Seeing that even after all of this it was only 8:00, we went back to the camper where the girls outwitted the guys in a heated game of Bible trivia. After all the excitement, Winter felt the need to once again use the restroom (due, in part to our addiction to Cran-Grape the whole weekend). Patrick and I quickly added that we were definitely too fatigued to travel anywhere, so we declined the offer to join them in a journey to the local Huddle House. Bailey, being excited at the thought of going to yet another Huddle House, immediately joined Winter in a quick dance in the rain, (something that she had always wanted to do). Michael Wayne, Winter, and Bailey headed over to the Huddle House where they met Honey, the nicest waitress ever. Bailey told Honey of his infatuation with Huddle Houses, which she thought, was just amazing. After learning of their love of the Huddle House, Honey gave each of them an authentic Huddle House ashtray, as well as a very classic Huddle House key-chain. After they bought their food and said a very hard goodbye to Honey, the trio departed the Huddle House in order to take a picture in front of the enormous Huddle House billboard, which overlooked the city of Moultrie. Since Bailey and Patrick complained all day about their uncomfortable sleeping quarters, Michael Wayne, being the good hearted fellow that he is, allowed the two babies to take over his spot in the camper. This arrangement did not bother Michael Wayne in the least since this allowed him to play Rush 2 on the Nintendo well into the night. This marked the end of the second day.
Sunday morning found the crew of five cramming everything back into the trunk of the Cadillac. This was a very historic moment in the Huddle House adventures, for on the trip back home we would stop at every Huddle House we could find. In order to hit as many Huddle Houses as possible, we decided to make some strategic changes in our return course. Since Huddle Houses are usually situated adjacent to larger thoroughfares, we opted to travel north on I-75 to Atlanta. This proved to be quite beneficial since we saw many more on the way home than on the trip to Moultrie. Our only regret was not being able to visit with the employees and regulars of each Huddle House on the way due to our constrained schedule. Nevertheless, we persevered towards our goal and the charming allure of our home county. We arrived in Ashland at approximately 4:15 P.M., worn out yet jubilant over the completion of our quest. We let Bailey out at his humble abode, and made our way over to the Hicks' residence where we unloaded the Cadillac. Even after we were done, we stood around in the yard reminiscing about our action packed weekend.
To the common, everyday man this trip might have seemed like nothing but a waste of time and fossil fuels, but to five friends in Clay County Alabama, this trip was the kind of adventure that you would tell your grandkids about. Cynics might claim that the younger generation only wants to party and use controlled substances, but our experience proves them wrong. We had a "high" time being with each other while we took the "trip" of our lives!